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Standing on a crossroad

By Anders Honoré

After the afternoon meditation,

the mind standing still,

yet unfocused,

foggy.

At 8 p.m.,

suddenly wanting to go to bed,

I realise, almost surprisingly,

I'm depressed.

I'm standing on a crossroad,

loosing interest in the sensory world,

TV, books, computer, etc.,

all fail to give me pleasure.

Yet, the mind is not ready,

to harvest the true fruits of practise.

Wishing I could find just a little pleasure somewhere,

yet happy that I'm not.

No self.

How brilliant by Siddharta,

sweeping away all contradictions,

giving an answer not even considered by anybody else.

"The condition conditioning itself,

thus creating the self", said Kierkegaard;

and I find myself yearning for the un-conditioned.

Wondering how my life could have turned out,

had my mind not been deprived of choice;

seeing clearly how this path was inevitable.

For I stand now at crossroad leading only one way,

with no turning back.

And despite my depression,

smiling.