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Devils don't work, you know?

As told by Anders Honoré

[Note: Mind is the devil]

One day in ancient China, a lower class nobleman went to the market to find something of interest. As he walked among the various shops, he suddenly spotted a small devil locked inside a cage hanging in one of the shops. He went over to the shopkeeper and inquired about the devil. "This is a fine devil indeed," the shopkeeper replied. "It will do absolutely everything you ask of it, completely flawlessly. A great servant for the house." "I'll take it," said the nobleman, and asked how expensive it was. When the shopkeeper told him, he thought that the price was rather extravagant, but he reckoned the devil would be worth it, and agreed to buy it without trying to haggle.

As he was about to leave with his newly-purchased devil, the shopkeeper called to him from behind: "Since you did not try to haggle down the price, I will tell you a little secret about devils. Devils don't work, you know? It will do absolutely anything you tell it to do completely flawlessly, but it has to be occupied constantly. You have to make sure that the devil is following instructions at all times. If you do that, it will be a tremendous help around the house. Should you let it wander around at random however, untold disaster will surely follow."

The nobleman heeded the warning and did as instructed. He ordered the devil to clean the house, cook him dinner and carry out virtually all physical labour around the house. When there was nothing to do, the nobleman simply instructed the devil to play with himself or go to sleep. The nobleman was thoroughly pleased with his purchase.

So things went smoothly for a couple of months, until one day a good friend of the house came to visit. The nobleman and his friend had not seen each other for years, and they decided that this was a cause for celebration. So they went out and enjoyed themselves all night, drinking heavily and forgetting all worries and cares in the world, eventually ending the night at a whorehouse. When the nobleman awoke the next morning, he suddenly realised that he had forgotten to give new instructions to his devil and he ran home to his house, terrified of what might have happened. But when he entered the street in which he lived, already he could smell something burnt. He ran into the house, now a decimated ruin, and in the centre of what used to be his dining hall, he found the devil busy roasting the neighbours' baby child over a hot bonfire...