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Free Bullshit

As told by His Divine Grace Yabba Dabba Dukkha Dharmakaya Trollpa

Otherwise known as The Dharmatroll

Did I ever tell you the tale of my past life when I was in one of Gurjieff's camps and got to stay for free? Gurjieff used to hold very popular retreats for the rich in France back in the 20's.

At one of these spiritual retreats, I had incarnated as this big burly Russian. Unlike the rest of them, who talked about love and Oneness and ineffable crap, the Russian guy tended to say "Bah, Humbug, Bullshit" and got on people's nerves. The spiritual folks badgered him and called him a wet blanket and shunned him. One weekend, while Gurjieff had gone to town, the Russian fellow got fed up and left. When Gurjieff came back to camp, everyone was rejoicing that the asshole was gone.

Gurjieff took off to Paris and found the burly Russian fellow and asked him to come back. When he was reluctant, Gurjieff told the fellow that he would refund all the guy's money (several thousand dollars) if he would only come back and finish the retreat. The fellow agreed and said, "sure, why not?"

The retreatants were outraged. Not only had Gurjieff brought that asshole back, but he was even getting to be there for free, while they had spent thousands of dollars for this spiritual opportunity.

"This man is part of what is going on here," replied Gurjieff in a talk to the whole camp that evening. "You have more to learn from him than you do from me. For you ooh and ahh at my words, and you only get to know the part of your mind that likes the concepts it hears. With him, you get to know the mind that doesn't like what it hears, the part that feels aversion and distress. You don't want to work on that, but rather you just want to pat each others' egos and be with what you find pleasant. But this man disturbs you: he brings what you need to examine right to the surface. Without him, no growth, no spiritual progress, can really ever be made here. This man is the yeast in the bread."